i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
