THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
