It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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