Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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