she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
