When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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