totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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