Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
