Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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