Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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