They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They have beer where we have blood.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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