You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
