He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
