he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
