i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
