Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
