U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
