I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
