May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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