so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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