I hate your face
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
