i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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