I look better un-naked...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
