If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
