haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
