first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you win again, gameday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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