3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
