well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
