DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize