giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Alive.
So much puke
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
