I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
