nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
