oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
