i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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