This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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