Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
