it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
