i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
