You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
