Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
