you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
