I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
