adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
