Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
