question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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