Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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