Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
