I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
