my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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