my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
