I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
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