I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
