It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
