Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
