You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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