I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
