i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
