I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
