Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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