I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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