fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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