How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
