I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
