that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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