Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
