We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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