i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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