You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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