Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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