My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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