Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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