You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
