mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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