Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
