my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
