Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
