literally had 100 drinks last night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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