im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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