Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
