It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
