It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
