Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
