i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
