Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
