Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
