was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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