We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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