You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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