so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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