i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
