FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
