i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
