the condom got lost in my hair
My cat gives me a boner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
