i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
