Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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