What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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