yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
