dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
