You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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